The Will to Win, it is putting your mind on an objective and not giving up. This post is dedicated to my friend Sean Evans. Who is Sean?
Sean is a father, significant other, friend, a fighter. Fighting is an outlet for him, stepping into the octagon takes the will to win. Having known him for a little over a year I can say he truly has the will to win. Even in losses he stays focused and destroys himself on social media, he is his hardest critic. There is a valuable lesson you can all get from Sean and his will to win.
On June 10th 2017 Sean stepped into the octagon to fight. That fight went the distance, 3 five minute rounds. It went to the judges, Sean lost by Split decision. What wasn’t lost in this battle was Sean’s will to win. Early in the fight Sean broke his hand, yes you read that right broke his hand. Did Sean stop? Nope, he had a will to finish and go out there and put on a show. His will to win put the pain of a broken hand aside, now imagine where your job is to punch a person trying to pummel you and with each hit you are hurting.
How many would want to give up? Well seeing how I mentioned earlier that Sean went the distance in the fight not him. That is something he should be proud of, I sure am proud of him.
Something I noticed with Sean is a weakness, in a previous Morning Thought I discussed knowing your weakness. Now it’s not a bad weakness, it is what drives his will to win.
I know you are wondering how is his weakness driving his will, simple he is a fighter. The limits he pushes himself in training is insane, but he keeps it real, he talks about the struggles. How many go to the gym to walk on a treadmill? Sean does sometimes 3 hard training sessions from boxing, cardio and BJJ then finishes with hard sparring with some heavy hitters. He is conditioning his will to win for when he steps into the octagon.
If you take anything away from this post I want you to take away that you can do anything. I am proud of Sean for stepping in the cage, pushing the limits and not giving up. Are you having tough time at work on a project? Tell yourself you got this, have the will to win. Stay focused even if things get bumpy, you need to will to win.
You have to want something to not give up, to fight past adversity. If you are expecting things to just come to you, then change and start doing and making things happen. Sean trains hard everyday, be like Sean and push yourself in life and your job. By doing so your will to win is magnified and in life you already won.
In todays world we are so connected, but yet disconnected from the people around us. While we have many ways to communicate and interact with people how much of that is spent interacting with family in person? I am connected with family and friends who I interact with on a daily basis; Facebook, Instagram, keeping my 200+ day streak going with my daughter on snapchat. This is where the problem lies, we as a society need to learn to disconnect and live in the moment.
I have been struggling lately with this, while I have many family and friends, I don’t spend much time with them outside of these social channels. Why is that? It started me to think is there something wrong with me, why does family want me to buy things from them but not invite me over for grill session, or just to watch a movie?
That brings me to this weekend, I am away with my boys and younger brother for BikeWeek in Laconia, NH. For my brother and youngest son this is their first time. Roberto my oldest and I are loving that we can share our love and the experience we had many years ago with them. Will there be posting to social outlets, you bet!
More importantly there are going to be the moments not recorded, the memories and laughs, us living in the moment together as family.
Something i enjoy most is just hanging with family for no other reason. I enjoyed a great lunch with my auntie and uncle this week as my uncle decided he works to much and started that family time was more important then 80hrs at work a week. He was aware that one of his weaknesses was that he wanted to live and laugh. Family and relaxing was in order. So, I love my uncle and make a point to just go over and have a quick lunch and some good laughs. I go to their house and feel the love, I know that I can go there anytime and even sleep over without it being planned or an issue.
Then on one hand I have family who only calls when they need something from me. Where are my invites to birthday parties? Cookouts? Where am I in the just gathering for dinners? I notice this stuff. Family and friends mean a lot to me and it kills me to have had to do it, but today if you make the effort to want to do something with me then I try and make the time for you.
My best friend in whole world is my cousin Danny Byron, I know that no matter what he is always there for me. Without question, mean the guy came over and helped me hang curtains, just because it’s time with me. I’ve had other family say they be there to help and then I don’t hear from them.
Think what really sparked this post and understand it’s whats on my mind this morning, was conversation with my son Roberto. We were talking about family and friends and how people come and go in your life and thats ok. People are on different parts of their journey and change. There are going to be a few people that will be there always, then there be some that come in and out. That’s ok!
I had to have conversation with my other son Luigi Jr about family first, how important it is to be there for your siblings even at times of them being wrong, you have their back and after you discuss with them your issue. I had hard talk about how currently I am not speaking to my sister, yes me not speaking to her, does it mean i do not love her, nope. But she hurt me, will it change I hope so.
Thanks for listening to me vent a little.
If you get anything out of this post, understand that family time disconnected is needed. Make the time to live and laugh with those in your life.
Today we want to consume as much as we can, we have grown to be an impatient society. I watch TV and I do not like waiting until next week, I want to watch it all. Online Streaming of Netflix is a thing, they drop an entire season of content in one day.
We love it, it creates and feeds the addiction, the satisfaction we get is euphoric. How many times have you spent hours watching a series? Most recently I started watching Vampire Diaries on Netflix (don’t judge), I can not get enough of episode after episode. Knowing I do not have to wait until next week, or commercials, it is pure entertainment bliss.
That is the appeal to us, the society who loves binge watching tv, movies. Understand something, TV networks understand this love of binge watching. Have you ever came across a movie marathon where they play back to back movies? What about your favorite HGTV show? Ever wonder why they play the same series and repeat of those over and over again?
The answer is simple we as a society have created binge watching to be the norm today.
As I watch my current show I am anxiously awaiting TheDefenders to drop on Netflix. As this post is about binge watching you can bet I will do the same. I have binged on every other series in the Marvel collection. I wish that Agents of shield would drop the same way.
How do you break the addiction caused by binge watching? How does it impact us? I honestly do not know, what I do know is that my 14yr old daughter got me into a show I never would of thought I would like. So to me if binge watching series brings time with my family or something to discuss about with my friends, I am all for it. I will still have the desire and curse the TV when I watch it, as I have been accustomed to binge watching entertainment today.
How about you? What are you binge watching?
Imposter Syndrome, what is it? I had just heard about this when my good friend Jonathan Frappier tweeted about it.
There is that imposter syndrome creeping up again
— Jonathan Frappier (@jfrappier) April 27, 2017
Frapp (as I call him) is one of the smartest guys I know. So what exactly is this thing that he was feeling?
Wikipedia defines it as – Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”
In short it means a person feels as if they are not worthy, or doubting their abilities. Also you feel as an outsider at times.
After that tweet I started to think about this topic more and more, it came up multiple times in my twitter feed from different people that I follow. But for me I found that I’ve have Imposter syndrome. I said it, while I am confident in my abilities, I doubt myself.
I spoke a little about Self-Awareness in a recent post and how you need to understand your weaknesses. The same goes for overcoming that feeling you get from Imposter Syndrome. There is another caveat to it though, you must know and own your strengths.
Be Positive – This is tough for many, especially when you have a sense of doubt or as if you do not belong. I call positive energy #NerdBlurtMojo. While I am not a huge religion fan I am a believer in energy. Staying positive keeps positive energy around you, this will help with that feeling of you do not belong.
You know what you know – One thing I have learned is I know a lot of stuff, I also know a lot of people. I do not need to know everything, I just need the ability to know when to ask for help. By owning what you know the sense of not belonging to a certain group is eased and you feel comfortable.
Tell yourself – Everyday speak to yourself and say it’s ok, I got this today.
Know your worth – Understand the value you bring, then demonstrate that value. If your current situation isn’t feeling right or you are not being valued then look for a different one.
Surround yourself with variety of people – To me this is important, you have to be able to accept all kinds of people. I love the fact that I do not agree with my peers on everything, I also enjoy the many conversations and deep discussions I have with those of opposing views than mine. End of the day we all have beliefs and values, being open and surrounding yourself with a diverse group of peers will help you feel that you are important and belong in a group.
I love TED talks and came across this nice playlist of talks. Head over there and give them a listen, as they cover a few areas that trigger Imposter Syndrome.
Understand that I struggle with this on a daily basis and know that you are not alone. I have to thank my friend Frapp for being brave and coming forward, had he not I may not have known what I suffer from daily.
Have you ever felt like you were experiencing Imposter Syndrome?
This is my first in what I am going to attempt at electronically doing what I do every morning. Cody Bunch started me on morning pages to get my mind and system into writing on a regular basis. For the most part I have done this. As of late I let excuses get in the way, very much like not going to the gym.
So now that you know quickly what these are
Last week Rebecca Fitzhugh during her Boston VMUG session talked about leadership qualities, there was one that stood out among the others Self-Awareness. Since then I realized I have failed myself with this blog, I have many thoughts and blog concepts that I just let excuses get in the way or laziness. I have had episode 6 of Tech Stand Up Podcast ready to go, however it just sits there.
This is my first attempt to change a weakness in myself, to learn from my failures.
In order to grow as a person in both your professional and personal lives, you need to truly understand where you are weak. Until you admit that you are not going to change. Understanding your limitations and what is holding you back from excelling is a great motivator to change.
One thing I find is that I am my own worst and hardest critic, I feel bad for my family at times. During dinner when I try a new recipe I am doubting things that I have tried. Now understand I am trying for with anything I cook multiple times – consistency. I want to know my food is not only tasting good but how can I repeat that over and over. I ask my wife and kids multiple times how it tasted, what can I change, thinking about it now it must bug them when I do it. However that is a weakness in which I need to be more assertive and confident in my cooking abilities and when in doubt I know the local pizza place’s number by heart. Seriously it is probably one of the few numbers I know off the top of my head.
Over the last 7 years I have failed at writing consistently, it’s a fact. That IS going to change. I am going to stop thinking of writing my book and actually start working on it. I have about two pages done so far, I started it last year.
By truly knowing and being self-aware with your weakness you can then start to actually make it a strength. Working on that or knowing when to ask for help to improve is crucial.
Here are a few things that can help you get started with overcoming your weakness
So what are some of your weaknesses and how have you started to combat them?